The Two-Year Grocery List

I don't exactly know what I'm doing right now, but uh, I've been thinking about college a lot.
I know what college I want to go to, I've just kind of been thinking about my future college experience in general.

I'm just sort of figuring out the things I need-slash-want during college.

Like, you know. A futon.

So, I'm just gonna make a list of things I totally want for college.

1. A Snuggie. It gets cold in Chicago. When I'm not in class or over at Second City, I'm gonna put a freaking Snuggie on and my roommate isn't gonna say anything about it.
2. A futon. It's like, the most convenient piece of furniture ever. Half couch, half bed. It's perfect.
3. A mini fridge. I need no reason.
4. Morton. I'm totally gonna bring his salty little butt with me to Chicago. He's growing on me.
5. Lots of blankets. All the blankets. Every single one. It gets so cold up there.
6. A 3ft Dog of Gozer statue. Yeah. You can buy that.
7.  Closing trashcan. I'm not having any of that roach foolishness.
8. Power strips. I need no reason.
9. A million zillion legal pads. You can't always trust Office Word.
10. Lots of underwear, because I'm not a college student, but I still hate doing laundry.
11. Posters! Specifically Ghostbusters.
12. Lots of mugs. Good mugs, not bad mugs.
13. Thermoses. It seems like a convenient way to store stolen food.
14. A fan. I like to be cold constantly, so I can use more blankets.
15. Maybe a small TV with a DVD player. Netflix doesn't have everything. Or at least, like, a baby projector.
16. Coffee machine. I'm not paying for a single cup of coffee.
17. Pop-up tent bed. They exist. And I want one.

I think that's it. I mean, I have 2 more years to gather up all of this. I'll figure it out.

My EYES

I've had three, count 'em, THREE doctor appointments today.
First with a normal doctor, second with my therapist, third with the eye guy.

Now my arm hurts from my flu shot and my eyes are dilated and I'm sitting in the dark wearing these ugly little sunglasses. Everything is so bright. And awful. And I'm just sort of squinting at everything. This is terrible.

I also got started on antidepressants, which is interesting I guess? They haven't kicked in yet. They have lots of terrifying side effects, too. Like increase of appetite, decrease of appetite, mood swings, migraines, liver problems, and suicidal thoughts. You know. Just to name a few. I might end up dying before my first month on it.

I dunno. Between the meds and the running around and the dilated pupils, I kinda just want to sleep. I just want to sleep in and like, not look at anything. That would be great.

Okay, this one is done.

Chrimas.

So uh, I guess all those reasons I need a car paid off, because I got a car this morning.

It's my dead great-aunt's 2001 Honda Civic.

And it is so. Freaking. Cool. I'm gonna tear up the town with this thing. Going 5 miles under the speed limit.

Now I just have to buy some bumper stickers and CDs. This is so cool I'm still a little in shock. We're gonna go on so many cool adventures. I'm gonna eat so many burritos in this car.

I've been driving it around all morning, and it has really great gas mileage, actually. It's great.
God I am totally going to eat so many burritos in this car.

Maybe I'll go on cool road trips. That would be neat. I like road trips. I just need someone to road trip with. You can't go on road trips alone.

I can't officially drive it by myself until later this week, but I think I'm okay with that. I really just needed a car.

I did name my car, of course. Because I name everything. Her name is Cita. Because it was my great-aunt Cita's car. And every time you turn on the A/C you can smell her old perfume.

This all being said, I'm pumped to have the holidays be over. Now I get to sit on the couch, eating the chocolate currently surrounding me. And you know. Drive my car. My car. My. Car. I like saying that.

So Happy Holidays, kiddos. From me and Cita.

MS. PICKLES CAN FETCH

Aw snap guys!! It's Christmas Eve!! Oh golly!

I really don't like Christmas. Like, a lot.

It just sort of gets me down in the dumps. God, I dunno.

I really just sort of want to work. I don't want to open presents. I don't want to watch Christmas movies. I don't even want it to be Christmas. I just sort of want it to be a regular day. With no school.
But, you know, it's my luck to be on the Christmas episodes of 30 Rock.

My mother has challenged me to write down 100 reasons why I need a car. Challenge accepted.

Also, Ms. Pickles knows how to fetch? Like, she sits down like a dog, retrieves the little object, and brings it back?? I'm so happy??

Okay yeah I'm gonna work on something else now.

The Eve of Christmas Eve

I'm very good at not doing what I'm supposed to.
I woke up at 10 this morning, which is a huge feat because I don't usually sleep past 8. Lou and my dad wen to Greenville and my mom went to Anderson early this morning, so I've been home alone all day.

I told myself I would finish my one entry with the pictures, but I didn't touch it. I told myself I was going to finish my set for the pageant, I maybe glanced over it. I told myself that I would finish a chapter for this one story I'm working on, I don't think I even looked at it. I've done actually nothing today.

I tried to play a few songs on my banjo, then got bored, switched to ukulele, got bored again, switched back to banjo, got bored again, took Lou's harmonica, learned a few songs on harmonica, got bored, gave up all together.

I think I'm just waiting for the holiday season to be over at this point.

Also, when I think about it, like, all of my friend group is graduating this year. Like, all of them. And I'm kicking myself for not signing up for early graduation. I think my first day back to school I'm gonna go into guidance and get on my hands and knees and beg to apply for it late.

This being said, I have a bucket list for the things I would like to do before I graduate (and maybe a few things for the summer I do graduate) and I feel compelled to share them with you. So without further ado, here are twenty things I wanna do before I graduate high school.

1. I want to order from a drive-thru folk song style (See Rhett and Link)
2. I want to perform at least like, 10 stand-up acts.
3. I want to go on a great big road trip with like, at least one other person.
4. I'm talking a cool road trip. We will live on nothing but McNuggets and we're singing the entire way.
5. Barn beach trip. I'm looking at you guys.
6. I wanna do karaoke. Really bad.
7. Play the sickest senior prank. Ever.
8. Fall in love.
9. Jk that sounds awful.
10. Work out for more than 8 minutes.
11. Go jogging without getting catcalled (like that'll happen).
12. Get straight A's.
13. Again, jk.
14. Dye my individual grey hairs different colors.
15. Pet a large animal. Like, say, a gorilla.
16. Maybe meet someone famous. That'd be neat.
17. Figure out how to play guitar.
18. Watch The Lion King
19. Finish one of the projects I've started.
20. Maybe go to New York. Or Chicago. I mean, I guess I have to go to Chicago to visit colleges.

Okay, I'll see you guys on Christmas Eve.

Moral of the Story

I take everything as an opportunity to be funny.
Everything.
Because personally, I see everything as a possible ground breaker. Like, what if one day, I'm doing a big class presentation and sort of make a set out of it, and someone actually notices that I might have something going for me? What if I do stand-up one night at some random gig and there's a talent spotter in the crowd? What if I just pitch up a funny conversation with some stranger at the mall or a wrong number caller, and it just happens to be the right person? You don't know, our smart people don't know.
Yeah, I get a few funny looks and ridicules every once and a while, but hell, I want to be a comedian. That's my cross to bear.
So here's my moral of the story: Do everything with the intention of going somewhere with it. Convince yourself that it could be the next big step in this big story that we call out lives. I mean, it could be. Let this be your wake up call. Not everything is meaningless. Take everything that life throws at you as an opportunity to completely change your life for the better.
For me, even this blog is an opportunity to be seen, and if it ever gets SUPER popular, maybe I can throw it on a resume at some point.
And hey, who knows. Maybe one day someone important will read my blog and like it.
Looking at you, Lorne.

An Agenda

So, I've actually got a post prepared for you guys, I just need to illustrate it, but I swear I'll get that to you guys here soon.
In the meantime, I'm on break, and when I'm not freaking out over something asinine, I'm having a great time. Except, you know. I have an allergy thing going on. And an ear thing. And an everything-else thing. Its a good time.

Saturday, at the barn, we got new jumps! So, uh, that's super cool. I'm super proud to say that Mister was the first horse to go over them. Even though it was like, barely 18" because I don't want him really jumping yet. Nothing over 2'.

Just to give you guys an idea on how freaking busy I am this week, this is everything I have to do this week:

- Lesson tomorrow
- Try to illustrate that one entry
- Clinic on Wednesday that I'm not prepared for.
- Farrier early Thursday
- Vet with Mister later that day
- Illustrate that one entry because you totally didn't do it when I told you to.
- Do something Saturday with the grandparents because they're old and they love you.
- Pretend Sunday isn't Christmas, drive down to the beach and insist on swimming.

So, uh. Yeah. I mean, this isn't everything that I have to do, but broadly speaking, this is my agenda.

Yeah I'll cut this one off here.

Business

So before I say absolutely anything else in this entry, OUR ADS ARE OFFICIALLY UP AND RUNNING. I feel like this is sort of a huge deal, so I'm going to make it a huge deal. We have ads now! Yay!
Are they annoying? They sure are. I apologize for that, but I do in fact need money, and if I can make some sort of money off of writing my terrible stories, then I'm one step closer to basically some of my life goals.
So what can you, as a viewer, do to help me do this more often? Click those guys.
Yeah. They're annoying. But if you click them, I get money. Click the crap out of those guys. You don't even have to do anything with them after you click them. Just click em and I'll love you forever.
But yeah no, I know they're super annoying. But know that I will never, EVER have pop-up ads or any intrusive ads on here, and if I ever do you all have the right to slap me.
This being said, now that I make money off of this site, whenever someone asks me what I'm doing, I can now respond with "I'm working." Baby steps, guys. Baby steps.

Today is my last day of school because I don't have midterms tomorrow, so in like, 10 minutes (because I am most definitely writing this in school) I will officially be on winter break, which means I'll be able to post more and write more stories. So, uh, huzzah I guess.

Also, I had no idea Amazon Music was so cool. This is great.

Anyway, I definitely haven't ridden since last sunday. So maybe I should get on that.

Wow this entry is just a scatter of ideas.

So my buddy Fish gave me a Christmas present the other day. He had told me prior what he had gotten me, but I thought he was joking the whole time.
Nope. Not joking. My buddy Fish gave me a lifesize cardboard cutout of Kate McKinnon.
And while I am very appreciative of said gift; I don't know what to do with her???
She just stand in the middle of the living room, staring at us with those big beautiful blue eyes. Terrifying us whenever we walk into the room because out of the corner of your eye, a cardboard cutout looks very much like a real human. Standing in your living room.
So yeah, I'm super not sure what to do with her. But it's a little creepy.

Anyway, I have more writing work to do, so I'm going to stop here, but I leave you with one message:

Click. The ads. Please. I'm going to create some sort of reward system for anyone who knows me personally for every time they click an ad. Like, 5 clicks one punch to the face. That's right, you get to punch MY face.
Pretty cool, huh?

Uuh I Don't Know What This Is

It's been a whirlwind couple of days.
But honestly, my depression has been really freaking bad and I'm not entirely sure what to do with myself. Between exams and car stuff and things like that, it's like, "I don't know how to handle this right now please take this away from me." So that's a good time I guess?
And on top of that everything going on has been really discouraging and depressing so I guess that's not helping?
So, in response, I whipped Harold back out.
For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about (even though I've mentioned this before), when I refer to Harold, I refer to Harold Ramis. See, back before I started going to a therapist, I would just pretend that Harold Ramis was talking me through my problems because he seems like the kind of guy you could tell your life story to and never tell a soul. I think it's actually just me pep talking myself through my problems and just kind of hearing Harold voice in place of mine, but sometimes I envision him sitting in a little chair with a clipboard and his glasses. Haha, I sure am lonely.

It's a strange coping mechanism, but it works (but I think that's because he says what I wanna hear.)

On another note, yesterday was the 4 year anniversary of Dicey's death, so that sucks. As per usual, I did my annual "sit next to a mound of dirt and talk about my problems". It's a lot of fun.

It's Tuesday night and I have 3 exams left before the end of the week, all of which I should currently be studying for, but instead, I'm gonna go to bed.

The Night Before Exam Week

T'was the night before Exam Week,
And all through the house,
Not a creature was sleeping,
Not even the mouse.

But down the hall,
The lights flickered on,
And there sat the student
Reviewing Genghis Khan.


I'm 100% wide awake pretending to study right now though. My anxiety is a total wreck and of course, I was like "hey, Ghostbusters calms me down! I'll watch that!" but of course, I can't find the remote so I'm just listening to the first line of the theme song on repeat while the menu screen flashes over and over. Still kinda does the job, though.

My therapist recently deduced that I am a severe hypochondriac, and it still hits me hard sometimes. The other week, it was over the fact my calf was sore and swollen (I had totally forgotten that I had twisted my ankle earlier that day), today it's over the fact that my left temple is stronger than my right temple because I only ever clench my jaw on that side. It's like a draw bag of anxiety attacks! What mysterious disease will I give myself today! The black plague? Okay! Sounds about right!

But if you all remember correctly, in this entry I mentioned that Klepto had gone missing. Well, he ended up not turning up for over 2 WEEKS. We all sort of accepted his death and began to mournfully move on with our lives, when the other night I went to grab my tall boots from the garage when I saw him sprinting up to the door. The second he got inside, he began to literally shovel food into his mouth and drank for 10 minutes straight. Upon further inspection- he's fine. A little thin, dehydrated. But nonetheless, completely fine. It's a little surreal that he's even home and alive, though. We really did expect to find his half-eaten remains out in the woods somewhere.

I also had a show on Saturday, which actually went pretty well. I have a few really fun stories to tell for it, but they all require pictures, so I'll probably cover those sometime during winter break.

Me and Dorothy (my banjo) are actually really starting to get to know each other. Like, we're really figuring each other out, it's so much easier to play her now.

I also got a TON of material from this weekend. Like, material was everywhere. My sketch book is almost half-way full. All I need is a car to drive myself to a comedy club or a coffee shop. ._.
My transportation situation is so iffy and unpredictable right now. I need a car. But luckily for me (but also unfortunately) my now late great-aunt's car is in need of a driver, and I'm currently debating whether or not it might be possessed. More details to come.

I should sleep at some point though. That is something I should most definitely do because I am still very much sleep deprived from this weekend.

A Rundown

Okay, so, basically, a rundown:

My life is a mess right now because midterms and I'm freaking out.
I'm basically always busy/tired because my life is a mess.
Does that mean when winter breaks rolls around end of next week? Heck no. I have things to do. Which also means I'll post a lot more.
I'm also in the process of car shopping, which is SO MUCH HARDER than I thought it would be. So that's a struggle.
Also, when and if I get freetime, it immediately goes to writing and playing banjo.
This freetime is usually a few hours during when I get home and right before I go to bed.
I like, don't even have time/a ride to go to the barn right now. So until I get a car, I don't even know when I'll get to go to the barn.
But fingers crossed, hopefully I'll have a car by the end of winter break. Hopefully.

Also, as promised, here you go, Abby.




Thank you for your pictures, I appreciate your Photoshop skills.

Haha I'm tired.

A Monologue

So they show definitely could have gone better. Yeah no I don't feel like getting into it. I totally will though. At some point.

I also promised my friend Abby that I would feature a picture that she made for me on here, but I'm honestly super tired. Sorry, Abby. I want sleep very badly.

I also feel super obliged to write some quality stuff now that I'm gonna get paid for this, but honestly, y'all ain't gettin' it tonight. I'm running on fumes and I'm gonna be studying for midterms all this week. I'm a little stressed. Columbia College of Chicago keeps on sending me things and now I'm panicking to get my grades up.

I will promise that I will get you guys a new profile picture by the end of this week. Maybe.

And as a bonus, since I really should include something from today, a collection of things I basically screamed at Mister today in my classes. Enjoy.



WARM-UP
-What. What is this.
- Why are you doing this.
- Yes, Mister, that is a lovely piaffe, now walk.
- Still not a walk.
- This a canter. Not a walk.
- Who hurt you.
- I bet your mother never loved you as a child.
- Oh. That was almost a rear. That was kind of fun.
- Do it again.
- Oh, we're side passing now.
- I thought you wanted to run. Why are you stopping in the middle of the arena and pawing.
- Oh another piaffe.
- And we are galloping. This is bad.
- Come down. No, stop that. Do not do that.
- This is why everyone hates us.
- Okay, why won't these kids move away from the rail? I called outside.
- "Hey! I. Want. The. Rail."
- I couldn't have made that sound anymore rude
- But hey, they moved.
- Okay, that'll do.

FIRST CLASS
- Okay, this isn't so bad. The class isn't that big.
- Why do we have to trot in? I don't wanna.
- Okay, he's not out of control yet. This is good.
- Oh and we're cantering.
- No. Stop that.
- Okay, now you can actually canter.
- Dummy, this is not a canter.
- This is not a canter.
- THIS IS NOT A CANTER.
- I know I'm in your mouth, you're in my hands. Give them back.
- B**** I know you can do 5 meter circles and that's exactly what you're gonna do.
- Oh thank god we can walk again.
- No, walk.
- No, walk.
- Oh, that little rear-y thing again. Fun, but not okay, man.
- "At me, pisshead! I'm ripped!"
- I think I said that one out loud.
- Yep, definitely said that out loud. People in the stands are now laughing.
- Alright, one more time and we're done.
- Okay, easy canter this time, babe.
- Nope. This is a gallop. This is a gallop in the wrong lead.
- Come back down.
- No, I said come back down.
- Okay, you're being unreasonable and I will 100% throw you into the teeniest little circle until you either stop or fall on your face.
- Don't doubt me.
- And you chose to stop. Thank you.
- "Chrissy, free me. I'm done."
- "You have like, two more seconds, hang in there."
-*emits a strange, inhuman noise*
- Okay, dude, just chill out in the middle of the arena for a second while we wait for placings.
- No, don't shake your head like that.
- Stop.
- Stop.
- Stop that.
- No.
- Stop.
- Look, you can leave now.
- Oh my god, why are you so proud of yourself? You smug little b******.
- *sighs and pats pony* Okay, good job. I'd tell you that you at least tried, but you didn't. Maybe next time.


This actually spanned throughout two classes, but they were back to back and had the same outcome.
Like I said, I figured I should write something at least a little worth while since there will be ads on here in the next few days.
God, I feel so professional. Maybe I should illustrate the lost cow story sometime. That would be neat.

Heads-Up

Okay, I feel like it's only nice of me to give you guys a heads up, but this blog might start having ads on it soon.

Why? Because I get money off of it. And I need money. So that's exciting I guess.
So maybe recommend this blog to your friends. Your coworkers. Maybe your spouse if you have one of those. Your mother. Your mother-in-law. I don't care. But I would appreciate it.

I also found a cow today. I'm kind of busy, so more on that later.
I'm kinda typing this as I condition my tack for a show tomorrow.

It's actually this Christmas-themed show that I hate wholeheartedly. I only go because I kinda feel like it's tradition for me to go because it was my last show with Dicey.

I'm gonna wrap this one up here, like a burrito.