The Two-Year Grocery List

I don't exactly know what I'm doing right now, but uh, I've been thinking about college a lot.
I know what college I want to go to, I've just kind of been thinking about my future college experience in general.

I'm just sort of figuring out the things I need-slash-want during college.

Like, you know. A futon.

So, I'm just gonna make a list of things I totally want for college.

1. A Snuggie. It gets cold in Chicago. When I'm not in class or over at Second City, I'm gonna put a freaking Snuggie on and my roommate isn't gonna say anything about it.
2. A futon. It's like, the most convenient piece of furniture ever. Half couch, half bed. It's perfect.
3. A mini fridge. I need no reason.
4. Morton. I'm totally gonna bring his salty little butt with me to Chicago. He's growing on me.
5. Lots of blankets. All the blankets. Every single one. It gets so cold up there.
6. A 3ft Dog of Gozer statue. Yeah. You can buy that.
7.  Closing trashcan. I'm not having any of that roach foolishness.
8. Power strips. I need no reason.
9. A million zillion legal pads. You can't always trust Office Word.
10. Lots of underwear, because I'm not a college student, but I still hate doing laundry.
11. Posters! Specifically Ghostbusters.
12. Lots of mugs. Good mugs, not bad mugs.
13. Thermoses. It seems like a convenient way to store stolen food.
14. A fan. I like to be cold constantly, so I can use more blankets.
15. Maybe a small TV with a DVD player. Netflix doesn't have everything. Or at least, like, a baby projector.
16. Coffee machine. I'm not paying for a single cup of coffee.
17. Pop-up tent bed. They exist. And I want one.

I think that's it. I mean, I have 2 more years to gather up all of this. I'll figure it out.

My EYES

I've had three, count 'em, THREE doctor appointments today.
First with a normal doctor, second with my therapist, third with the eye guy.

Now my arm hurts from my flu shot and my eyes are dilated and I'm sitting in the dark wearing these ugly little sunglasses. Everything is so bright. And awful. And I'm just sort of squinting at everything. This is terrible.

I also got started on antidepressants, which is interesting I guess? They haven't kicked in yet. They have lots of terrifying side effects, too. Like increase of appetite, decrease of appetite, mood swings, migraines, liver problems, and suicidal thoughts. You know. Just to name a few. I might end up dying before my first month on it.

I dunno. Between the meds and the running around and the dilated pupils, I kinda just want to sleep. I just want to sleep in and like, not look at anything. That would be great.

Okay, this one is done.

Chrimas.

So uh, I guess all those reasons I need a car paid off, because I got a car this morning.

It's my dead great-aunt's 2001 Honda Civic.

And it is so. Freaking. Cool. I'm gonna tear up the town with this thing. Going 5 miles under the speed limit.

Now I just have to buy some bumper stickers and CDs. This is so cool I'm still a little in shock. We're gonna go on so many cool adventures. I'm gonna eat so many burritos in this car.

I've been driving it around all morning, and it has really great gas mileage, actually. It's great.
God I am totally going to eat so many burritos in this car.

Maybe I'll go on cool road trips. That would be neat. I like road trips. I just need someone to road trip with. You can't go on road trips alone.

I can't officially drive it by myself until later this week, but I think I'm okay with that. I really just needed a car.

I did name my car, of course. Because I name everything. Her name is Cita. Because it was my great-aunt Cita's car. And every time you turn on the A/C you can smell her old perfume.

This all being said, I'm pumped to have the holidays be over. Now I get to sit on the couch, eating the chocolate currently surrounding me. And you know. Drive my car. My car. My. Car. I like saying that.

So Happy Holidays, kiddos. From me and Cita.

MS. PICKLES CAN FETCH

Aw snap guys!! It's Christmas Eve!! Oh golly!

I really don't like Christmas. Like, a lot.

It just sort of gets me down in the dumps. God, I dunno.

I really just sort of want to work. I don't want to open presents. I don't want to watch Christmas movies. I don't even want it to be Christmas. I just sort of want it to be a regular day. With no school.
But, you know, it's my luck to be on the Christmas episodes of 30 Rock.

My mother has challenged me to write down 100 reasons why I need a car. Challenge accepted.

Also, Ms. Pickles knows how to fetch? Like, she sits down like a dog, retrieves the little object, and brings it back?? I'm so happy??

Okay yeah I'm gonna work on something else now.

The Eve of Christmas Eve

I'm very good at not doing what I'm supposed to.
I woke up at 10 this morning, which is a huge feat because I don't usually sleep past 8. Lou and my dad wen to Greenville and my mom went to Anderson early this morning, so I've been home alone all day.

I told myself I would finish my one entry with the pictures, but I didn't touch it. I told myself I was going to finish my set for the pageant, I maybe glanced over it. I told myself that I would finish a chapter for this one story I'm working on, I don't think I even looked at it. I've done actually nothing today.

I tried to play a few songs on my banjo, then got bored, switched to ukulele, got bored again, switched back to banjo, got bored again, took Lou's harmonica, learned a few songs on harmonica, got bored, gave up all together.

I think I'm just waiting for the holiday season to be over at this point.

Also, when I think about it, like, all of my friend group is graduating this year. Like, all of them. And I'm kicking myself for not signing up for early graduation. I think my first day back to school I'm gonna go into guidance and get on my hands and knees and beg to apply for it late.

This being said, I have a bucket list for the things I would like to do before I graduate (and maybe a few things for the summer I do graduate) and I feel compelled to share them with you. So without further ado, here are twenty things I wanna do before I graduate high school.

1. I want to order from a drive-thru folk song style (See Rhett and Link)
2. I want to perform at least like, 10 stand-up acts.
3. I want to go on a great big road trip with like, at least one other person.
4. I'm talking a cool road trip. We will live on nothing but McNuggets and we're singing the entire way.
5. Barn beach trip. I'm looking at you guys.
6. I wanna do karaoke. Really bad.
7. Play the sickest senior prank. Ever.
8. Fall in love.
9. Jk that sounds awful.
10. Work out for more than 8 minutes.
11. Go jogging without getting catcalled (like that'll happen).
12. Get straight A's.
13. Again, jk.
14. Dye my individual grey hairs different colors.
15. Pet a large animal. Like, say, a gorilla.
16. Maybe meet someone famous. That'd be neat.
17. Figure out how to play guitar.
18. Watch The Lion King
19. Finish one of the projects I've started.
20. Maybe go to New York. Or Chicago. I mean, I guess I have to go to Chicago to visit colleges.

Okay, I'll see you guys on Christmas Eve.

Moral of the Story

I take everything as an opportunity to be funny.
Everything.
Because personally, I see everything as a possible ground breaker. Like, what if one day, I'm doing a big class presentation and sort of make a set out of it, and someone actually notices that I might have something going for me? What if I do stand-up one night at some random gig and there's a talent spotter in the crowd? What if I just pitch up a funny conversation with some stranger at the mall or a wrong number caller, and it just happens to be the right person? You don't know, our smart people don't know.
Yeah, I get a few funny looks and ridicules every once and a while, but hell, I want to be a comedian. That's my cross to bear.
So here's my moral of the story: Do everything with the intention of going somewhere with it. Convince yourself that it could be the next big step in this big story that we call out lives. I mean, it could be. Let this be your wake up call. Not everything is meaningless. Take everything that life throws at you as an opportunity to completely change your life for the better.
For me, even this blog is an opportunity to be seen, and if it ever gets SUPER popular, maybe I can throw it on a resume at some point.
And hey, who knows. Maybe one day someone important will read my blog and like it.
Looking at you, Lorne.

An Agenda

So, I've actually got a post prepared for you guys, I just need to illustrate it, but I swear I'll get that to you guys here soon.
In the meantime, I'm on break, and when I'm not freaking out over something asinine, I'm having a great time. Except, you know. I have an allergy thing going on. And an ear thing. And an everything-else thing. Its a good time.

Saturday, at the barn, we got new jumps! So, uh, that's super cool. I'm super proud to say that Mister was the first horse to go over them. Even though it was like, barely 18" because I don't want him really jumping yet. Nothing over 2'.

Just to give you guys an idea on how freaking busy I am this week, this is everything I have to do this week:

- Lesson tomorrow
- Try to illustrate that one entry
- Clinic on Wednesday that I'm not prepared for.
- Farrier early Thursday
- Vet with Mister later that day
- Illustrate that one entry because you totally didn't do it when I told you to.
- Do something Saturday with the grandparents because they're old and they love you.
- Pretend Sunday isn't Christmas, drive down to the beach and insist on swimming.

So, uh. Yeah. I mean, this isn't everything that I have to do, but broadly speaking, this is my agenda.

Yeah I'll cut this one off here.

Business

So before I say absolutely anything else in this entry, OUR ADS ARE OFFICIALLY UP AND RUNNING. I feel like this is sort of a huge deal, so I'm going to make it a huge deal. We have ads now! Yay!
Are they annoying? They sure are. I apologize for that, but I do in fact need money, and if I can make some sort of money off of writing my terrible stories, then I'm one step closer to basically some of my life goals.
So what can you, as a viewer, do to help me do this more often? Click those guys.
Yeah. They're annoying. But if you click them, I get money. Click the crap out of those guys. You don't even have to do anything with them after you click them. Just click em and I'll love you forever.
But yeah no, I know they're super annoying. But know that I will never, EVER have pop-up ads or any intrusive ads on here, and if I ever do you all have the right to slap me.
This being said, now that I make money off of this site, whenever someone asks me what I'm doing, I can now respond with "I'm working." Baby steps, guys. Baby steps.

Today is my last day of school because I don't have midterms tomorrow, so in like, 10 minutes (because I am most definitely writing this in school) I will officially be on winter break, which means I'll be able to post more and write more stories. So, uh, huzzah I guess.

Also, I had no idea Amazon Music was so cool. This is great.

Anyway, I definitely haven't ridden since last sunday. So maybe I should get on that.

Wow this entry is just a scatter of ideas.

So my buddy Fish gave me a Christmas present the other day. He had told me prior what he had gotten me, but I thought he was joking the whole time.
Nope. Not joking. My buddy Fish gave me a lifesize cardboard cutout of Kate McKinnon.
And while I am very appreciative of said gift; I don't know what to do with her???
She just stand in the middle of the living room, staring at us with those big beautiful blue eyes. Terrifying us whenever we walk into the room because out of the corner of your eye, a cardboard cutout looks very much like a real human. Standing in your living room.
So yeah, I'm super not sure what to do with her. But it's a little creepy.

Anyway, I have more writing work to do, so I'm going to stop here, but I leave you with one message:

Click. The ads. Please. I'm going to create some sort of reward system for anyone who knows me personally for every time they click an ad. Like, 5 clicks one punch to the face. That's right, you get to punch MY face.
Pretty cool, huh?

Uuh I Don't Know What This Is

It's been a whirlwind couple of days.
But honestly, my depression has been really freaking bad and I'm not entirely sure what to do with myself. Between exams and car stuff and things like that, it's like, "I don't know how to handle this right now please take this away from me." So that's a good time I guess?
And on top of that everything going on has been really discouraging and depressing so I guess that's not helping?
So, in response, I whipped Harold back out.
For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about (even though I've mentioned this before), when I refer to Harold, I refer to Harold Ramis. See, back before I started going to a therapist, I would just pretend that Harold Ramis was talking me through my problems because he seems like the kind of guy you could tell your life story to and never tell a soul. I think it's actually just me pep talking myself through my problems and just kind of hearing Harold voice in place of mine, but sometimes I envision him sitting in a little chair with a clipboard and his glasses. Haha, I sure am lonely.

It's a strange coping mechanism, but it works (but I think that's because he says what I wanna hear.)

On another note, yesterday was the 4 year anniversary of Dicey's death, so that sucks. As per usual, I did my annual "sit next to a mound of dirt and talk about my problems". It's a lot of fun.

It's Tuesday night and I have 3 exams left before the end of the week, all of which I should currently be studying for, but instead, I'm gonna go to bed.

The Night Before Exam Week

T'was the night before Exam Week,
And all through the house,
Not a creature was sleeping,
Not even the mouse.

But down the hall,
The lights flickered on,
And there sat the student
Reviewing Genghis Khan.


I'm 100% wide awake pretending to study right now though. My anxiety is a total wreck and of course, I was like "hey, Ghostbusters calms me down! I'll watch that!" but of course, I can't find the remote so I'm just listening to the first line of the theme song on repeat while the menu screen flashes over and over. Still kinda does the job, though.

My therapist recently deduced that I am a severe hypochondriac, and it still hits me hard sometimes. The other week, it was over the fact my calf was sore and swollen (I had totally forgotten that I had twisted my ankle earlier that day), today it's over the fact that my left temple is stronger than my right temple because I only ever clench my jaw on that side. It's like a draw bag of anxiety attacks! What mysterious disease will I give myself today! The black plague? Okay! Sounds about right!

But if you all remember correctly, in this entry I mentioned that Klepto had gone missing. Well, he ended up not turning up for over 2 WEEKS. We all sort of accepted his death and began to mournfully move on with our lives, when the other night I went to grab my tall boots from the garage when I saw him sprinting up to the door. The second he got inside, he began to literally shovel food into his mouth and drank for 10 minutes straight. Upon further inspection- he's fine. A little thin, dehydrated. But nonetheless, completely fine. It's a little surreal that he's even home and alive, though. We really did expect to find his half-eaten remains out in the woods somewhere.

I also had a show on Saturday, which actually went pretty well. I have a few really fun stories to tell for it, but they all require pictures, so I'll probably cover those sometime during winter break.

Me and Dorothy (my banjo) are actually really starting to get to know each other. Like, we're really figuring each other out, it's so much easier to play her now.

I also got a TON of material from this weekend. Like, material was everywhere. My sketch book is almost half-way full. All I need is a car to drive myself to a comedy club or a coffee shop. ._.
My transportation situation is so iffy and unpredictable right now. I need a car. But luckily for me (but also unfortunately) my now late great-aunt's car is in need of a driver, and I'm currently debating whether or not it might be possessed. More details to come.

I should sleep at some point though. That is something I should most definitely do because I am still very much sleep deprived from this weekend.

A Rundown

Okay, so, basically, a rundown:

My life is a mess right now because midterms and I'm freaking out.
I'm basically always busy/tired because my life is a mess.
Does that mean when winter breaks rolls around end of next week? Heck no. I have things to do. Which also means I'll post a lot more.
I'm also in the process of car shopping, which is SO MUCH HARDER than I thought it would be. So that's a struggle.
Also, when and if I get freetime, it immediately goes to writing and playing banjo.
This freetime is usually a few hours during when I get home and right before I go to bed.
I like, don't even have time/a ride to go to the barn right now. So until I get a car, I don't even know when I'll get to go to the barn.
But fingers crossed, hopefully I'll have a car by the end of winter break. Hopefully.

Also, as promised, here you go, Abby.




Thank you for your pictures, I appreciate your Photoshop skills.

Haha I'm tired.

A Monologue

So they show definitely could have gone better. Yeah no I don't feel like getting into it. I totally will though. At some point.

I also promised my friend Abby that I would feature a picture that she made for me on here, but I'm honestly super tired. Sorry, Abby. I want sleep very badly.

I also feel super obliged to write some quality stuff now that I'm gonna get paid for this, but honestly, y'all ain't gettin' it tonight. I'm running on fumes and I'm gonna be studying for midterms all this week. I'm a little stressed. Columbia College of Chicago keeps on sending me things and now I'm panicking to get my grades up.

I will promise that I will get you guys a new profile picture by the end of this week. Maybe.

And as a bonus, since I really should include something from today, a collection of things I basically screamed at Mister today in my classes. Enjoy.



WARM-UP
-What. What is this.
- Why are you doing this.
- Yes, Mister, that is a lovely piaffe, now walk.
- Still not a walk.
- This a canter. Not a walk.
- Who hurt you.
- I bet your mother never loved you as a child.
- Oh. That was almost a rear. That was kind of fun.
- Do it again.
- Oh, we're side passing now.
- I thought you wanted to run. Why are you stopping in the middle of the arena and pawing.
- Oh another piaffe.
- And we are galloping. This is bad.
- Come down. No, stop that. Do not do that.
- This is why everyone hates us.
- Okay, why won't these kids move away from the rail? I called outside.
- "Hey! I. Want. The. Rail."
- I couldn't have made that sound anymore rude
- But hey, they moved.
- Okay, that'll do.

FIRST CLASS
- Okay, this isn't so bad. The class isn't that big.
- Why do we have to trot in? I don't wanna.
- Okay, he's not out of control yet. This is good.
- Oh and we're cantering.
- No. Stop that.
- Okay, now you can actually canter.
- Dummy, this is not a canter.
- This is not a canter.
- THIS IS NOT A CANTER.
- I know I'm in your mouth, you're in my hands. Give them back.
- B**** I know you can do 5 meter circles and that's exactly what you're gonna do.
- Oh thank god we can walk again.
- No, walk.
- No, walk.
- Oh, that little rear-y thing again. Fun, but not okay, man.
- "At me, pisshead! I'm ripped!"
- I think I said that one out loud.
- Yep, definitely said that out loud. People in the stands are now laughing.
- Alright, one more time and we're done.
- Okay, easy canter this time, babe.
- Nope. This is a gallop. This is a gallop in the wrong lead.
- Come back down.
- No, I said come back down.
- Okay, you're being unreasonable and I will 100% throw you into the teeniest little circle until you either stop or fall on your face.
- Don't doubt me.
- And you chose to stop. Thank you.
- "Chrissy, free me. I'm done."
- "You have like, two more seconds, hang in there."
-*emits a strange, inhuman noise*
- Okay, dude, just chill out in the middle of the arena for a second while we wait for placings.
- No, don't shake your head like that.
- Stop.
- Stop.
- Stop that.
- No.
- Stop.
- Look, you can leave now.
- Oh my god, why are you so proud of yourself? You smug little b******.
- *sighs and pats pony* Okay, good job. I'd tell you that you at least tried, but you didn't. Maybe next time.


This actually spanned throughout two classes, but they were back to back and had the same outcome.
Like I said, I figured I should write something at least a little worth while since there will be ads on here in the next few days.
God, I feel so professional. Maybe I should illustrate the lost cow story sometime. That would be neat.

Heads-Up

Okay, I feel like it's only nice of me to give you guys a heads up, but this blog might start having ads on it soon.

Why? Because I get money off of it. And I need money. So that's exciting I guess.
So maybe recommend this blog to your friends. Your coworkers. Maybe your spouse if you have one of those. Your mother. Your mother-in-law. I don't care. But I would appreciate it.

I also found a cow today. I'm kind of busy, so more on that later.
I'm kinda typing this as I condition my tack for a show tomorrow.

It's actually this Christmas-themed show that I hate wholeheartedly. I only go because I kinda feel like it's tradition for me to go because it was my last show with Dicey.

I'm gonna wrap this one up here, like a burrito.

Ah Yes. A Recipe.

I'm highkey writing this in my study hall period. I mean, hey, why not.

Today is my first day back in school after Thanksgiving break, and I'm already super stressed out. Last friday was optional to attend because of the smoke around town since there's a wildfire going on up north, and I didn't go because I was sick and the smoke was making it worse. Anyway, apparently I missed a test and my teacher threw in a zero in the grade book and it's like???? You're bugging out my grade????? Just leave it blank until I get a chance to do it?????

I also have a project due on wednesday that I thought was due friday and I'm freaking out because I haven't started on it. I also had all month to do it, so I'm not really allowed to complain.

I've also been trying to watch a bunch of Avett Brothers videos and take notes on Scott's banjo playing, but the camera angles are always wrong and it's kind of making me sad. Like, Scott, Seth, I love you guys, but I don't want close-ups of your faces. I want close-ups of your chording and picking. I wanna be able to play your songs correctly.

On that note, I'm really digging playing the banjo. Like, I'm enjoying it way too much. It's just a neat instrument.

On a not-good note, Klepto has been missing for a few days now. He's not one for sticking around, but we're worried. He always comes home at night.

I also tried to make the ultimate leftover Thanksgiving sandwich yesterday. I wanted to throw up.
Anyway, here's how you make that mess:

1. Get bread. Bread is key in sandwich making. Without it, it would just be a salad. No one likes salad.
2. Microwave chunks of turkey. Don't go cold turkey on me. Or do, if you're into that.
3. Burn yourself taking the turkey out of the microwave. Turkey chunks do not take 2 minutes to heat up.
4. Drop the plate while getting the turkey out. Scream profanities.
5. Repeat step 2. 30 seconds this time.
6. Heat up some gravy.
7. Burn yourself on that, too, but this time don't drop it. Careful, that's god's work right there.
8. Shred up the turkey like barbeque. Eat half because you have no self control.
9. Soak turkey in gravy. Lay that stuff down like a baby in it's crib onto your bread. Or just put it on the bread. It doesn't have to be that dramatic.
10. Throw some cold cranberry sauce on top of it.
11. Entirely too much cranberry sauce.
12. Mashed potatoes. Sure, that sounds like a good idea.
13. Eat half of the potatoes prior to heating them up.
14. Put that on there too.
15. Mac and cheese? Are you sure? Okay, if you say so. I don't think that'll mix with this all very well. Okay, okay, sorry, I'll take your word for it. Sheesh, don't get so salty.
16. Throw mac and cheese on there I guess.
17. Blanket that monstrosity with other piece of bread. Just roll with it.
18. Declare it the best sandwich ever before eating. Say that "If you get a heart attack from eating it, it'll at least be a tasty heart attack."
19. Eat it.
20. Follow up first bite with. "Oh. I mean. Um. It's, it's fine. It's fine."
21. Try to eat it anyway. Come on, you got this.
22. End up dissecting it and just eating the turkey. Gag a little when you see the innards.
23. Give to dogs.
24. Watch dogs reject it.
25. Cry

Maybe keep some Tums nearby and maybe a spit bucket if you try this.



I seriously need to go to guidance and change my schedule for next semester. Definitely forgot to sign up for theater. I don't know what I'll do if I go a year without theater.

I highkey cannot breathe out of my nose today, and I think everyone thinks I'm crying. Oh well, I guess.

This post is so scatterbrained. I'm so sorry.
Hah no I'm not.

I have one calf that's slightly larger than the other and it freaks me out.

Glutton Turkey Day

I super hate Thanksgiving. Actually, here in the Thompson household, we didn't even do Thanksgiving today. But you know what? I don't feel like talking about that right now.

My depression has been super bad the past few days. I mean, it's usually not too good, but it's been especially bad lately. I had a bunch of really bad dreams last night. I think they were supposed to be happy, but they just ended up being depressing. Really, really depressing. I think the dreams were supposed to give me some sort of closure, but they just made me wish the closure was real??? Dude I don't know but my subconscious has got to chill out.

Also, my banjo is giving me some gnarly calluses. Like, jesus they hurt. I really only know how to play Avett Brothers songs on it, but I'm chill with that. I mean, most of their songs has banjo in them, anyway. It's fun, though. I like banjo-ing. That's definitely a word now.

My life right now, besides having upsetting dreams and getting gross finger callouses from my banjo, I'm just sort of dragging through every day. The only thing I look forward to is SNL at the end of the week. It's my light at the end of the tunnel.

Also, my trainer's dog Sue had to be put down like, a week ago, and I meant to write about, but honestly I can't even convince myself to get out of bed in the morning. I'll get to it one day, Sue.

Boy am I bored of writing depressing entries. This is sort of my only outlet for how I'm feeling. My therapist says I need to keep a journal on how I'm feeling, and I think I already kind of do that with my blog???

I dunno though. I feel like I'm just sort of bottling up my feelings and I'm probably just gonna explode and cry and break down any minute. But probably not, because I don't want to make anyone put up with that.
So I'll just break down by myself and it'll be a good time.

Even then, I don't really have anyone to cry to, because no one really talks to me. I say this all the time, but I'm really, really lonely. And it kinda makes me wanna cry. But I'm not gonna, because I don't like crying-slash-actually displaying emotion. But like the bad dream I had last night ^, it made me realize that I seriously don't really have anyone right now.
Maybe that's okay. Maybe I wasn't ever meant to have any super-close friends. People have never really worked out for me. Maybe this is my punishment for ever getting close to someone. Nothing lasts forever. I especially should know that. Not even best friends. Especially best friends. I don't think best friends exist.

My therapist calls me a young Robin Williams, and I don't know if I should be flattered or concerned. Flattered because he one of my heroes, concerned that she's comparing me to a man who was addicted to heroin and cocaine and suffered from severe depression that ultimately killed him. So yeah, thank you, therapist lady.

I guess that's my life right now. It's all super depressing when I read it back over. But who cares? Depressing entries are depressing. I swear I'll post something fun one day. Maybe.

Scourge

So I got a banjo the other day. Which is great, and I love it, and I haven't really put it down since I've gotten it.

But this morning, I walked into the living room with it FACE DOWN ON THE GROUND.

Long story short, I hate Ms. Pickles and Morton.

I say this with full seriousness. I want to throw one of them out into the wild and just let him undomesticate himself and never come back.
I am talking about Morton. He's an ass and I hate him a lot. Every morning, he finds a way into my room (even with my door closed) and screams until I let him out. But whenever I go to open the door, he takes off under the bed and starts screaming again.

I mean, I can't even tune my banjo, that's how mess up it is. I got this things on saturday. SATURDAY. And it's already messed up. I'm pissed as hell.

Big-Girl Face

Alright y'all. I'm putting my big-girl face on for a moment.

If you have an issue with me, AT ME. I ONCE AT TWO FROZEN HOT POCKETS ONCE. I'M RIPPED. Seriously though. Don't be weird. Tell my ugly face. It's heard worse. If you post crap on social media about me, maybe don't because I only check social media like, once a week, so I'm gonna be late for some sly come back. And that'll be embarrassing. For me, and also you, because YO BUHONKUS IS STILL GON GEET BURNT. No probably not I'm not that great with come backs. I'll probably just make some obscure reference to something and you'll probably just be super confused.

Also, adding to that:
Yo. Straight white people. You don't get to decide that Trump being the president-elect isn't a big deal. He's not gonna mess with you. The people he's gonna ruin the lives of are the people who get to decide that. I'd give you a middle finger, but I'm on a computer and I can't do that.
And it's less of what Trump SAYS he'll do, and more what his crazy-a$$ supporters are gonna do. Or what they've already done.
Seriously though, you guys have everything handed to you on a silver spoon. Trump is gonna make that spoon gold for you guys, and he's gonna trade in our plastic utensils for pieces of paper we gotta cut into vague spoon-shapes. So no, maybe don't decide that for us. You already dictate everything else in this world.

Anyway, I might be sick because I have a super scratchy throat and I'm lowkey freaking out??? Like, I don't have time for this????

Also, possibly gonna get a banjo on saturday. Maybe.
I've had my ukulele for like, 4-5 years now. There's only so much you can do.

Okay I'm gonna cut this baby off here.

A Weekend Update with Ava and Also Still Ava

I just came back from a horse show a few hours ago that I've been at since Friday. I want to die.

I say this because I am actually super freaking exhausted. I wanna sleep for three days.

The show itself was okay. Saturday went better than today, although today felt more satisfying? Yet still kind of awful?

TL;DR: Saturday I had two successful rides, but I knew what I could have improved on and it's bugging me.

Sunday I highkey thought I had more time before my first class and actually MISSED MY EQUITATION CLASS trying to get dressed, and my jumping class was actually going perfectly until I MISSED THE LAST JUMP ENTIRELY. But up until then, my jumping round just felt like it was going really well.

But overall, I am tired and I wanna go see Mister. He's getting his hocks fused soon so I won't be able to ride for 4 months, so I guess I'm gonna just have to chill out until then.

While fusing his hocks will hopefully fix some problems, not being able to ride for 4 months means I won't be able to go to this Christmas show in December that I go to every year piously because it was my last show with Dicey before he died. Maybe he'll be clear to do walk-trot classes. I dunno. Maybe I can just take him and do halter classes just for fun. But I gotta do that show.

Also, no, I'm still not happy with the election and I probably will never be, but I'm not gonna fight it with hatred. Ignorance cannot stop ignorance. So if y'all are gonna be mean and salty, go for it. I'm not gonna try to stop you anymore. 

Actually, if anyone tries to criticize me for not liking Trump or supporting Hillary, I'm gonna kindly disagree with their gross opinions and then compliment them. Yeah. That's right. I'm gonna compliment them. 

And then I'm gonna DAB ON EM THOMPSON BU-URN.

That wasn't a burn, but I have Kate's impression of Ruth Bader Ginsburg stuck in my head. Not that I have any objections to that.

Also, I knew Kate could sing, but Jesus Christ did I wanna cry when she sang on SNL last night.

I saw you crying, Katie. I don't like hugs, but I will hug you for hours and hours and hours if need be. I got you, boo.

Okay I'm gonna go shop online for things I can't afford.

A PSA to the Orange Man in the Oval

I've never been more disappointed in my country.

America has chosen themselves over others. They have chosen the past over the future. They have chosen hate over love.

And I am scared. An election that never registered to me as a serious threat has become my worst nightmare. An office that once held a man who opened new doors, let light through, is now an office that will harbor deep hatred and unjustified arrogance.

Trump personifies everything America has under sheets. Racism, bigotry, homophobia, xenophobia, sexism, patriarchy, greed, ignorance, lust, deceit. In a country that I trusted would fight against the discrimination, I am only disappointed that it has jumped at the opportunity to rip the sheets off.

This being said, I expect nothing good to come out of this presidency. And much like millions of others, I am terrified.

And with my last sliver of hope ripped from my hands, and admittedly, after hours of tears, my head is held high.

Yes, I am disappointed. I am angry. I am resentful. I am scared. But Donald Trump is not my president. He may stand proud in office, but he will never have my respect. If I come to him, face to face, I will bite my thumb.

So a message to Donald Trump and Mike Pence:

Whatever you do to this country, whatever hatred or fear you instill in our hearts, you can't stop us. You may think you have America on your side, but there's still that handful protesting your "leadership" that will be a thorn in your side for the next four years. We will come out fighting, kicking and screaming. We are a force to be reckoned with. We will stand united, and we can stand without you. Do not doubt that for one second.

So enjoy your next four years in office. We're about to raise hell for you.

Please Kill Me.

This is it. We are screwed.

And since I plan on putting this sucker out on Facebook, I'm giving y'all the rundown here.

If you voted for Hillary: Thank you. A thousand times, thank you.

If you voted for Trump: Screw you.

"Ava, why do you say such mean things?" BECAUSE I GOT A LIST OF THINGS THAT TRUMP HAS DONE THAT SHOULD COMPLETELY UNQUALIFY HIM FOR EVEN EXISTING.

When you vote against Trump, you vote against women. You vote for Trump, you vote against people of color. When you vote for Trump, you vote against LGBT+. When you vote against Trump, you vote against me. A female, a half-latina, a lesbian. You vote for Trump, you put my life in danger. You put thousands of people's lives in danger. And I'll tell you right now, voting for Trump is the least patriotic thing you can do.

I wanna get married some day. I wanna grow old with someone. I wanna have a successful job one day. I share the same dreams as everyone. As you, as your neighbor. Trump wants to take this away from us.

I don't care about Hillary's emails.
I don't care about what anyone has done. I'm scared of what Trump will do.

If Trump wins, I don't want to live in America anymore.

I TIRED

I have today off! Yay!

Election day feels like Christmas, but a Christmas that could go very terribly wrong. Like, basically kill off all of America as we know it wrong. It's even scarier when you're not allowed to vote, and you're basically putting your future in the hands of racists and homophobes.

So yes, I am scared.

In the meantime, I'm researching banjos. I'm lowkey in love with Deering, but Gold Tone would be cool, too.
Jesus it's too early to be writing a blog right now. I can't make words.

I'm gonna stop here, but I'll post again later I swear.

Broken.

I am terrified of this election on tuesday. Like, I'mma piss myself terrified.
Also, I got some sick fingerpicks yesterday and I can't stop playing with my uke. I can shred a ukulele with fingerpicks. I can play every song I've ever wanted to with fingerpicks. I can play my dad's friend's banjo with fingerpicks. I can still use my phone without taking my fingerpicks off.
This is it. I've become invincible.

Y'all. I can shred a ukulele. I can die happy.

But not before I get my banjo.

Once I get it, I'm gonna post a video of myself playing it on Twitter. Or maybe all of my social media platforms. And I'll tag The Avett Brothers in it. I'll caption it:

"@TheAvettBrothers Hire me. I work for half-hearted accolades and slices of apple. I can also shred a uke."

My ideal response would be:

"Resume?"

And I would write:

"I once ate two frozen hot pockets, a tootsie roll with the wrapper on, and I can lick my elbow."

From there, I will become an honorary Avett. We'll go on cool adventures. It'll be great.

Guys I'm really lonely.

I accidentally dropped my Chromebook just now and it magnified everything and it might drive me insane. It's super big and I might have broken my Chromebook.

I'm gonna end things here because I don't wanna look at this.

Without Much Regard

My hair is brown again.
Blonde was fun, but it's high maintenance and I am a low maintenance person. I'll suffer through the grey hairs as they come.

It's been a tough week, and I honestly wanna lie down and zap out of existence right now, but instead I'm on the couch eating a cup of Mac n Easy.
Scratch that, staring at an empty cup of Mac n Easy.

But I have an after halloween party tomorrow night, and I already spent an hour and a half convincing myself to do my nails. I can't say no now.

But seriously, though. It's been a rough couple of days. I've caught myself speaking to people with no actual regard for who I'm talking to, or without any reason for my conversation, if that makes any sense. I don't know, man. Emotions are weird. I don't even really have any right now. It's like, some days I just wanna cry for hours on end but I can't?? Wtf, brain?? That, and I've lost interest in basically everything I've ever loved or enjoyed, so that's a bad thing. I dunno, I've always had these issues, but I feel like now that I know I have depression, I seem to dwell on it.

My dad and I are also going to go look at banjos tomorrow. I've always wanted to play banjo.

Also, I miss people. Or maybe I miss having people. I dunno, but I'm lonely. God am I lonely.

This all sounds really cheesy and terrible, and I'm kicking myself for making this blog with the intentions to make people laugh, when I'm actually just using it as a diary sort of thing. Maybe I'll draw some pictures one day. Or finally fulfill my shower story promises. Maybe one day.

Songs from the Sways of the Storyteller

The Avett Brothers came to my town last night.

Amidst the brightly colored spotlights, the "I love yous" and the sing alongs, and the two gangly, bearded men skipping and jumping around on stage like there was no tomorrow, a sea of the wretched rocked back and forth to the beat.

The heartbroken,

The cold-footed,

The lost,

The hopeless,

And me.

At some point, I thought about how neat it would be if they got everyone to sway in sync. I figured it would be like an ocean reaching up the shore.

And then I realized that didn't need to happen.

There's something special about the sways of the heartbroken, and the cold-footed, the lost, and hopeless. With each shift of weight, they tell a story.

The stories of their failures, and disappointments, and the bad news bearers and the depressed.

The Avett Brothers' carry this, too. Each word written with their own personal endowment. It screams with their pain, jumps with their struggles, and whispers with their success.

I, too, sway to the beat of the kickdrum. 

The death of my great-aunt.

And the death of Paprika and Blanchard.

The diagnosis of Mister's health.

The woman who killed herself in the cemetery outside my house.

Watching a horse break her leg and be put down.

My break-up.

Losing the connection between me and my best friend.

My diagnosis with depression.

And the affects of it before and after.

And every battle in between.

I, too, sway to the beat of the kickdrum.

Left, right, and back again.

Diagnosis

So, uh, I was diagnosed with depression the other day.

I had my suspicions, but it's kind of strange to actually be diagnosed with something. And I guess I'm still kind of weirded out by that?

That being said, I'm really lonely? That's an issue, I guess. I don't talk to anyone anymore. I don't have friends that I can call up at 3am when I'm having a hard time. It's just me vs the world now. And it's really terrifying. Part of me resents the people who stopped talking to me and moved on, part of me doesn't blame them.

So to the people who just sort of abandoned me, screw you I guess? Also good for you, because I must have done something really terrible for you to just leave me behind like an unwanted puppy. Yeah, I'm comparing me to a puppy. I may not blame you for leaving me, but I'm sure going to shame you about it. You puppy-leaver. I'll call the ASPCA on you. That stands for Ava's Sad, Pathetic, and Crying Association. It's an organization that gives me a firm pat on the back when people like you stop talking to me and find new people. You are the reason the organization exists, you puppy-leaver. I'm just a defenseless animal that just wanted to make you happy, and you left me in a moist cardboard box and got a fish instead, because they're easier and cheaper.

Jokes on you, fish die REALLY FREAKIN EASY. They just die! That fish you replaced me with? That schmuck is gonna go belly-up here soon.
And you can't show a fish off to your friends. "Hey guys, you wanna meet my new fish?" Do you think your friends are gonna wanna see a fish? No. They don't wanna pet a fish. You can't take a fish out on a walk. You take that wet little oval with gills outta that bowl, they're gonna die. What are you gonna do then, huh?
Bet you wish you had kept that puppy now, huh.

This is the most emotion have had in several months.Amazing.

I'm lonely and salty. And I'm not on any anti-depressants yet. Imagine how salty I'll be with normal emotions and feelings. Y'all better buckle up.


This entry has been brought to you by: The magic 8-ball in my therapist's office that always answers me with the same answer. It's bumming me out, man.

And Now, The News.

Hey! Today's Lou's birthday. He's 17. That's cool I guess.

Yeah that's all I've got.

This entry has been brought to you by my lack of motivation, by also my obligation to keep this blog up. 

Oh, Rocky

I'm a big fan of Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Yesterday, they released the reboot.

First off, Laverne Cox is amazing and can honestly beat me up any day if she likes. Or make out with me. Either one.

Also, Columbia. Freaking. Columbia.

This isn't mine I swear.

I love her. She's amazing.

Yeah I think that's all I have for today.

I'm Tired, Also, Politics.

My three minutes is (mostly) done, I am tired, I'm full of burritos, and I haven't seen Mister since like, Thursday or Friday. And I have a ton of homework that I have no motivation to do.

Okay, edit, I just finished my homework, but it was a little hard because I was busy trying to watch the debate. Also, I dunno if I've said this before or not, but I freaking love Hillary. Like, seriously though. She's my girl.

@/Hillary Clinton, if you don't win, I will cry. LGBTQIA+, POC, women, and basically everyone in between will be screwed. Save us. You are literally the last thing standing between us and the apocalypse.

This being said, I figured out my Halloween costume this year: Hillary Clinton, Ghostbuster. It'll be great.

Also, I should go sleep.

Bombs

I might have an idea of when my first gig is.
Now I just need substantial material.

This being said, I've spent the last few days working on it, and so far I only have like, two things worth writing home about.
It's a process, I guess. I'd rather go perform six months from now with golden material, than go in three weeks with bombs.
Regardless, it's stressful and I'm tired. I've got fifty zillion things going through my head, but I don't have time for one.

Okay, I'm gonna rap things up here.

Moving day

I'm home! I wish I wasn't, but I am.

Also, according to the internet, Bill Murray is in Brooklyn now. I don't know how I feel about this. I guess I won't meet Bill.

I think this is all I have to write for the day. I'm sort sad now.

Hookie

I woke up on Thursday to go to school. I got dressed, I packed my bag, I drank entirely too much coffee. Like, a minute before I walked out the door, my dad called.

"Hey do you wanna skip school today and tomorrow and go to the beach?"

"Heck yeah."

And we drove to the beach.

Anyway, so I skipped two days of school. I don't care, we're having fun and I might have cried before the weekend was over if I hadn't skipped.

The road trip over was uneventful, sans the rest stop place that had a coffee vending machine that I obviously had to try, but only gave me dirty, lukewarm water. It wasn't even hot enough to burn me. Like, come on, man. If you're gonna give me dirty water instead of coffee, I at least want it to burn going down.


Also, Lou and I are almost adults. Not only did we raid a candy shoppe like, 30 minutes ago, I might be dragging Lou and my dad to Build-A-Bear. They have Ghostbuster bears.

I'm really good at spending unreasonable amounts of money. Not only do I desperately want Bear Build-A-Bear, I also just invested in Smartpaks for Mister, I'm also looking into a new bridle for him. His current bridle is a $20 Kincade from the Rolex clearance bin and I'm starting to regret the purchase. The leather is absolutely ridiculous and it's killing me. It's like, chaffing and falling apart.

Also, you'll notice I changed my profile picture. I'm mentioning this because I'm proud of it. Look at this:

This took two cups of cold coffee and an hour please kill me.

I think it's my Halloween prep. That's as good as it gets from me.

TRIPLE POST HECK YEAH

My TV is broken and I don't know what's coming on next right now, so I'm just sort of channel surfing waiting for 11:30 for SNL. It's also worth mentioning that I've been binge watching John Belushi skits the past few weeks, this is all relevant to the story I swear.

So I'm working on my stand-up routine and I'm just sort of paroozing through the channels, and in the middle of a sentence, a season 1 episode came on. Samurai Hotel, actually.

I dunno. I'm considering it a sign from John Belushi. John, give me the inspiration to finish a killer five minutes for this open mic night. Come on, man, I believe in you.

Lies

My mother interrupted my essay writing today to ask me if I wanted to go to a "pumpkin festival".

Naturally, I said yes.

Instead we went to a moist old cave.

I am salty af.

What's the Haps, Paps?

And now, the news.

Hurricane Matthew is currently b**** slapping the South Carolina and Florida coast, as well as a few other states, but no one cares about them. Many residents are refusing to evacuate, but we can't actually expect Florida to actually listen to us. They also don't seem to realize that it's not just going to be the wind hitting them, it's the baggage the wind has picked up. Getting tossed around by a pleasant, 100mph breeze? Cool, you're about to get "tossed around" by an 100mph flying car, too.

In the midst of the storm, though, there's the one really important question on everyone's mind. Where did Bill Murray evacuate to, and is he okay? Does he need a place to stay? Would he like to come chill out at my house?

Bill, if you see this, there's beer in the fridge and a little cigar lying around somewhere if you want it. Come stay with me. We have fun.

PS: I will make you peer edit my material for open mic night. Fair warning.

In other news, the writer and creator of this blog (me) rode for the second time after her injury, which was also the first time seeing her horse in a few weeks. He has lost all muscle mass and a lot of weight and looks like he was also b**** slapped by the hurricane, but otherwise very happy to see her. Ava wants to cry though, because all of his top line is gone and he desperately needs his mane pulled.

In the writer's hometown, a clown sighting has been reported. She is scared and she wants to cry. Ava wants to do a lot of crying.

The writer also bought a hoodie with a little pouch in the front to carry around Ms. Pickles in. She is pumped for this.

She is also supposed to be writing two essays right now. We see what's she's doing instead.

Also, to Kate McKinnon, Leslie Jones, people like that: I know you live in New York and you're not going to get pummeled by the storm, but maybe you'd like to see some violent rain storms and drink tea and coffee in my living room, snuggled up to Mort and Ms. Pickles. Also come to my house. There's beer in the fridge and you two and Bill Murray can fight over the cigar lying around. We have fun. We can draw straws over the single cigar.


That's about it for the news today, but as a quick message to all those affected by the storm:
Get out your canoes. It's hurricane season, you know what to do.

Rough

The only really solid material I have right now is a song about existential crisis. I dunno, I don't hate it. No one else seems to, either.

I rode for the first time in a month today. Mister wasn't terrible, but we're both out of shape and he's lost a lot of muscle and weight. We're putting him on supplements starting tomorrow but for now, he just sort of looks homeless. He's needs his mane pulled really bad, too. God, he's so gross. He did seem really happy to see me, though.

I bought Donnie Darko the other day but I don't have the guts to watch it, yet.

I have to finish an essay right now, but this entry is me procrastinating.

My mom is in the other room watching some stand-comedian I've never heard of before, and a few seconds ago I tried out a few lines on her and she dismissed me so she could watch videos of this guy. I can hear her laughing. I feel like this is an accurate representation of my material so far.

When I think about my future and my dreams of getting on SNL, I know I'll never make it, but it's really nice to dream. You can take away anything and everything in life, but laughter and dreams are permanent. Unless you like, can't laugh or you just have no sense of humor, and you just don't dream. Are there people like that?

Also, my phone took a leap of faith onto the concrete yesterday, and faith was not kind. It's still functioning, but it is shattered. I can't look at it without focusing in on the cracks. I should probably be more concerned about the glass in my fingertips. but honestly, my fingertips have probably seen worse. Like my ex. AYYY! No I'm kidding my ex isn't a bad person I just resent her. A lot. And everything she does. No biggie.

Okay, I should finish my essay because I really wanna get this thing out of the way and watch Ghostbusters without distraction.

Scraps

I went to a therapist today.

It was okay I guess. It was weird, I'll tell you that.

I also learned that Moe Joe's does an open mic night for comedians regularly, so I'm actually trying to scrap enough material together to get a show going. I think this is the most ambitious thing I've done all year.
It's not going great so far, but I think I can get something together.

My mom's friends had to evacuate the coast last night and have been staying up here, and I'm thinking that we're all just gonna party every night until they can go home. I dunno, but it's kind of fun.

I need to ride. It's killing me.

That's really all I have today. I guess I'm gonna go write down some ideas for the sketch and listen to motivational music. Also, THIS is why I write down all of my sketch ideas. Thank god I do.

I feel like, if I follow through with this, my life won't be a total waste so far. It'll be my first step into actually doing what makes me happy. I want this to work. God, I want this to work.

Negativity

I'm starting to think my creative writing teacher really just doesn't like my writing.

And that's okay, I'm fine with that, but I really wish he'd tell me what he doesn't like and how to improve it.

But not only that, the other day he called me a "hipster" because I "don't actually create anything, but I pretend I do and dress like I do to compensate for my lack of making anything".

Like come on, man. I wear flannels because I'm a lesbian, not because I'm a hipster. Am I wearing big, fake glasses? No. Do I spend my weekends watching indie movies? Just that once when the DVD player died. Do I drink expensive craft beer exclusively? No, I'm fifteen. But if I did drink, I think I'd be more of a "oh look it's on sale" sort of gal. Like??? Dude. Seriously?

Or maybe he just doesn't like me.

I don't blame him there, man, I'm terrible.
But I'm not a hipster. You can't hate me for being a hipster.

Regardless, his apparent dislike of my writing is really putting a hamper on my writing. And my sketch ideas. And all the rest of my work. And my life.
It's puttin' a hurtin' on me.

Again, I'm not offended he doesn't like it, I'm offended he seems to be shoving it off to the side instead of commenting and critiquing it like the rest of the students' work.


Anyway, upon watching Blues Brothers, I've realized that I think I could listen to John Belushi and Danny Aykroyd all day. Like, you guys were a "fake" band. That whole "fake" thing didn't follow through, did it? But the both of them are just good singers. I don't get it.


Morton is very interested in how computers work. I can't tell if it's really cute or kind of terrifying, because he will 100% go after the cursor with his claws out.

Okay I'm done.

Halloween 1st

Most people in my town are at the football game today.

For me, I'm enjoying tonight's screenings of Belushi movies, and then tonight's season premier of SNL 42.
I think movie nights might be what I look forward to most every week.

But I'm thinking the list for tonight is gonna go something like this:

1. Animal House ($5 at Target, high five, me!)
2. Blues Brothers (Significantly more money at Target, less enthusiastic high five, me!)

Then I'll transition over to my usual Ramis movies:

3. Meatballs
4. Ghostbusters
5. Ghostbusters 2

And if I have time:

6. American Werewolf in London (It's a Landis movie, it applies)

And hopefully those will get me to 10:30 tonight. I don't feel like working out how long all of these are together, but I don't think I'm gonna get to 6.

Also, I have a Halloween party this month to go to this month and I can't figure out what I wanna dress up as.

I'm gonna post pictures of my options.

Hillary Clinton

More of a Kate McKinnon sort of costume than an actual
Hillary costume. Where do you buy pantsuits?
(Not my pic)

Jillian Holtzmann

Oh look my wife.
(Not my pic)

Barbara DeDrew

One to the left. She's one of Kate's SNL characters. IDK
how I'd do this one.
(Still not my pic)

Bluto

Tank top. Bed sheet. Mustard.
That's what I call easy breezy beautiful
(Not my pic)

Yeah those are just my options right now. I'll probably add more.

Also, I might be entering in a beauty pageant that my school has every year. 

Am I going to take it seriously? Heck no.

"Contestant #69, there are children starving in 3rd world countries, what do you propose we do about them?"

"Feed them."

*Walks off stage.*

Also there was a huge fight a my school the other day. A lot went down, but the only important part of it was when the principle was tasered. The rest is a blur.

 Anyway, I might post again later today. 

Happy Halloween 1st everyone!

Lol What

I think my computer mouse is broken. I have to double click everything because it doesn't pick up the first click. It's kind of bugging me.

I lied down after I got home today, right around five. Two seconds later I had been out for three hours.

I'd also like to mention that I finally got around to watching National Lampoon's Animal House, and Bluto is an amazing creature and I think he might be my spirit animal. John Belushi has always been on my "Meet when I die" list, but he just got upgraded closer to the top.

I also stayed up until 1 last night writing an essay and watching Jimmy Fallon because Kate was on. I'm so exhausted.

My hair is officially ponytail/bun length.

I'm literally just listing things at this point why am I doing this

Ehhhh that's all I've got for today. Maybe tomorrow I'll post some sketch/stand up ideas I have.

Morton Salt and Pepper

Remember the other day, when I said Ms. Pickles might be getting a brother?

His name is Morton and he's sitting next to me.

He was super shy at first, but he seems to be warming up to everyone pretty well. Ms. Pickles and him get along royally. Klepto doesn't even hate him.

He's really pretty chill though. He's currently my movie date for the night, and he's been through 3 movies already tonight. He's just curled up on the couch, watching Ghostbusters.

I told myself my next cat would be Harold, but Morton just fits the little guy like a glove. I will have a cat named Harold one day, though. Mark my words.

Jesus Christ his farts are deadly. Like mother like son.

Also, I spent all day in a driving class yesterday. From 8:44- 4pm, I watched videos of dead people crashing their cars, and it's safe to say I'm emotionally scarred. The class itself wasn't actually that bad though, neither were the rest of the people there. Everyone was just kind of like, "None of us wanna be here, so we're all suffering together." We were all from different schools, but everyone just sort of found someone to fool around with. And the class was in the basement of a hotel, so there was a continental breakfast upstairs and we all just sort of raided it. And the class itself was in a college-sort of setup, and we were allowed to talk quietly and get up and walk around outside anytime we wanted to. I dunno, I just didn't hate it.

Mort doesn't move if you set things on his head. He'll just let it chill out there like a hat.

Okay I'm gonna watch Ghostbusters and do homework and play with this weird cat.

Also, is it just me or are Egon and Ray really um, "friendly" in the second movie? I'm diggin it.

Still Not Okay

I lack the ability to talk about anything other than Kate McKinnon. It's just not possible. I love her too much.
Like legit though, I can't stop. The only other tab I've been checking her name in the news every few minutes. I saved so many pictures of her from the Emmys to my phone.
Someone should stop me.

After the Emmys, I curled up with Ms. Pickles and watched some of her old videos on YouTube.
Like, old old. Videos from when she first started out and she was still in the Big Gay Sketch Show.
She's come so far in the past 10(?) years. Like, she went from this broke college student doing stand-up to an Emmy Award Winning Actress and Saturday Night Live Performer. I don't even know her personally and I'm so proud of her.
Also, it takes a lot to make me cry (says the girl who cried when the Ghostbusters song started to play during the 2016 version) and the second the announcers got the "K" in her name out of their mouth I screamed and started to cry. I also cried when I saw Kate's face when they said her name. And then some more when she started crying. And even more when she started speaking. I was a mess before she even started talking about her dad. I was like a sprinkler before she could even get off the stage.

I'm legit so proud of someone I've never even met, sue me.

Also I would like to talk about her dress the other night:
Holy Christ.
That is all.

Also, I'm sorry that night's entry was so cheesy, I was crying really hard.
I still wanna cry some more. I'm still not okay.

I also definitely bought a Bluray player so I'm armed and ready when the the Bluray version of Ghostbusters comes out on DVD.

I also started this entry on Monday morning and I'm just now finishing it Saturday night. My life is a mess right now and I still can't technically ride. I'll have days when I'm like, "Oh hey, my ribs don't hurt today, I should totally ride!" And then the day goes on and I'm like, "Jesus Christ kill meeeeee."

I also have three projects/essays due within three weeks. One essay on Harold Ramis (I'm so pumped about this one), an educational video and an essay on Remus and Romulus (I'm going to get expelled for what I have planned for this), and an essay on the American Dream.

Also, it's worth mentioning that Ms. Pickles might be getting a brother. I'll elaborate on this when the story develops.

I also have a driving class that lasts all day tomorrow. I am not excited about it, but I'm just gonna go head first at it, Bill Murray style. Crack jokes the entire class and act like I don't have a care in the world, when in reality, I'm dying on the inside. Maybe I'll even get laid tomorrow, Bill Murray style.
I'm kidding. I'm not going to get laid via-driving class. I'm not going to get laid via-anything.

I've also established myself as the class clown in school so far. I've never been more proud of myself.


I also wrote a poem in five minutes the other day, and I'm gonna share it with you guys.

She’s been waiting

Long past her expiration. 

She sits on the doorstep of success

And waits for it to let her in.

She’s outgrown the quiet world

Of compromise.

Her voice is itching to run free.

Her feet follow after. 

Her wanderlust will no longer sit

patiently.

Her heart breaks.

Her head spins.

And her gears start to turn.

Her hands quiver under lights

Her heart flutters over thought.

She turns the page

And breathes

For the first time

In years.

And with one word,

She comes to life.

She sits on the doorstep of success.

Her heart breaks.

Her head spins.

And the city takes her in.

I think the font changed itself again. I'll end this entry here because I don't want to deal with the whole font thing right now and I have to wake up really early tomorrow.

Kate McFreakinKinnon

OH MY GOD KATE MCKINNON WON AN EMMY

I LEGIT CRIED HARDER THAN SHE DID AND THAT'S SAYING A LOT BECAUSE SHE WAS BAWLING AND I ALSO SCREAMED A LOT.

I'M SO PROUD OF HER AND IT'S LIKE??? I'VE NEVER EVEN MET HER??

LIKE, I'VE BEEN WATCHING HER ON SNL SINCE FOREVER AND SEEING HER NOW GETTING HER FIRST EMMY IS LIKE????? SHE'S SO GROWN UP?????

GOD I LOVE HER SO MUCH

Okay, I can only use capslock for so long because I just sort of have to hold down the shift key on my Chromebook.

Okay, but seriously though, I love Kate so much. And because I have such a small audience on this blog anyway, I'm gonna do this:


Kate, if you ever read this blog ever, or if I ever meet you in real life, thank you.
Thank you for being you, completely, unabashedly you.
Thank you for never taking a single interview seriously.
Thank you for referring to your cat, Nino, as you son.
Thank you for the Celesbian Interviews.
Thank you for the Big Gay Sketch Show.
Thank you for Jillian Holtzmann.
Thank you for being the first SNL performer to win an Emmy.
Thank you for making the first SNL performer to win an Emmy female.
Thank you for the 40-Year Old 20-Year Old series.
Thank you for crying when you heard your name called tonight.
Thank you for being on SNL.
Thank you for helping me and thousands of other people out there help come to terms with themselves.
Thank you for being a lesbian, and for being so open about it.
Thank you for making fart jokes.
Thank you for Notary Publix.
Thank you for being so honest and real.
Thank you for being the first thing that comes to mind when I start to really doubt myself.
And thank you, thank you so, so much for helping me realize something that I cling to: Women are funny. Because honestly, I've been bullied for a huge majority of my life for being funny, because people don't think women are supposed to be funny. But honestly? We're hilarious and we'll fight anyone on that.

So Kate, if I ever get the opportunity to meet you in real life, I'll try to say something relatively close to this but with a lot more stuttering and crying and probably a little screaming and awkward attempts at trying to hint that I really wanna hug you.

But thank you, Kate McKinnon. I love you and I've loved every moment of seeing you grow as a comedian on SNL. Thank you for inspiring me and so many other women. God, I love you. I'm totally gonna try to hug you if I ever meet you and I'm going to warn you now, it's gonna be weird af.


That's all I need for today.

Uh Oh I'm Salty

I'm going to rant here for a moment. You cannot stop me. Then I will get to my regularly scheduled crap.

I know what OCD is. I've been friends with people with clinically diagnosed OCD for years. In 9th grade I read the entirety of the DSM-V just to familiarize myself with mental disorders because I think it's interesting.

"Oh, I have to fix that, my OCD is driving me crazy!"
That is not OCD. You're making yourself sound stupid. OCD is doing things like washing your hands until they bleed because you're scared they're not clean. It's doing things like walking in and out of the same door over and over again because you legitimately cannot stop.
It is not noticing something that's slightly different from something else and wanting to change it. That's an entirely different thing called OCPD, which is concentrated to orderliness and attention to detail. Stop calling it OCD, because it starts to desensitize people to what it really is and makes it harder for people who really have to be understood.
Stop. Saying. You. Have. A. Disorder. You. Do. Not. Actually. Have. It just makes the people who have the disorders lives a lot harder, and you sound stupid.

End of rant.


Anyway! I tried to exercise last night because I feel useless and lazy, and I decided planking would be fun.
Do not plank with mess up ribs. It will hurt and you will want to rip your ribs out. I was going to ride today but now I can barely laugh.

Also, I've found my favorite thing. It's getting terrible Chinese food and having Bill Murray movie marathons. I watched Meatballs and Ghostbusters on repeat last night while eating Chinese food and I'm gonna declare it my "unwinding activity" if that makes any sense. Like, it chills me out. It's like a massage but with sketchy food and movies.

Actually, in Twin Peaks, FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper once said to Sheriff Harry Truman:

"Harry, I'm going to let you in on a little secret: every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don't plan it; don't wait for it; just let it happen. It could be a new shirt in a men's store, a catnap in your office chair, or two cups of good, hot, black, coffee."

Also that's gonna bug me that that's not in the same font.
See? I'm bothered, but that doesn't mean I have OCD.

But yeah, I think movie marathons and Chinese food is my present to myself.
Coffee does the trick, too, though. I really like coffee.

Also, it's worth mentioning that I've officially worn out my Ghostbusters DVD. It skips from when Ray drives the hearse to the station all the way to when Winston is being interviewed for the job.

That's a big skip.

I watch it on repeat anyway, because Ghostbusters makes me happy. Not a whole lot makes me happy anymore.

I use the word "also" a lot in my blogs. Oh well.

Also, thank you WalMart for having Ghostbuster hoodies, but also screw you WalMart for making your layout impossible to find them.
No, no I did not get one. They also don't have the DVD in either, nor do they have Stripes. Get it together, WalMart.

Yeah that'll do.

Darn this technology.

 I'm debating whether or not I just wanna post little scribbles from my binder for today's entry. I'm really tired and I don't have a lot to write today. I'm always really tired.

I just started crying for some reason. Just, out of the blue, tears. Get back in there, you scoundrels. I'm not even sad why are you here? Completely random, unnecessary tears.

Okay, yeah, I think I'm just gonna post pictures from my binder and stuff. That sounds easy.

It's Ms. Pickles!

I actually draw Harold Ramis a lot. He's my dude.

This is some coyote thing I actually draw all the time. I don't know
why.

Mulder! Yeah no I tried.

This is what it feels like to try to function in society with a mild
head injury. I just want to sleep.

Werewolf girl! Sorry this is so hard to see.

Scribble head guy!

My interpretation of Michael Phelps. Olympic swimmers
just look like muscular thumbs to me.

Get Spoopy!

I added Scully a few pages away. I couldn't just have Mulder.
Two for one.

Another Harold. This was a pain to get down here because
my computer uploaded this one and the next three
at the top of the entry. Pray for me.

You know what, screw this, guys because my computer won't cooperate and I'm tired. You'll see them eventually.

Harold Ramis, PsyD

You know, I was going to write about how I have a a mental therapist, not like, a mental therapist, but like, a therapist I made up in my head and 'talk' to when I'm sad. Haha this is why I need a real therapist. Anyway, that would have taken pictures and I don't feel like finishing that right now, but it's definitely in the works.
Also, I think my carpal tunnel is coming back.

Okay, also, story time. So there's these two dots next to my right eye (my right, not yours), and they've always sort of been there and I've just sort of accepted them at this point. Like, I even draw them when I'm drawing myself. And all of the sudden, one of said dots have decided to become acne and it's like "what? why would you betray me like that, eye dot?" And honestly, if it goes away I'm gonna miss it. Like, I'll still have the other dot, but the other dot isn't neither as noticeable? I dunno man.

I still can't ride. That's weird.

I definitely watched a kid shovel ketchup into his mouth today with a fork. That was great.

I think that's it for the day. My anxiety is acting up and I want to curl up and stop existing. I guess that's what my mental therapist is for.

My mental therapist is, by the way, Harold Ramis. He seems like a therapist kind of guy. Just like, I think he would make that one face he made in Stripes all the time if he were my therapist. Does that make any sense? Hold up.

Yeah that one. That's actually one of the first pictures that comes up when I type 'Harold Ramis Stripes' into Google. He makes that face in Ghostbusters, too. Maybe that was just a thing he did.

But yeah, I picture that thing sitting down across from me with a clipboard absentmindedly nodding while I go over my grievances. And then, essentially, I give myself my own pep talk. Occasionally, if that doesn't work (and it hardly doesn't) I'll throw in some Robin Williams while I'm at it. Double whammy. Bill Murray and Kate McKinnon make guest appearances, as well. God, I'm so messed up. I'm just some super lonely kid who has no one to talk to about their issues and it's slowly killing me and by slowly I mean very quickly and I'm not quite sure what I'm doing with my life but I definitely think there's something wrong with me but my mother refuses to take me to an actual therapist because she's convinced that Lou and I are completely fine when in reality we haven't been okay in a really long time please just someone help me. 

*Takes a very large, over dramatic breath*

That may have been world's longest run on sentence. We can now pretend that didn't happen. Isn't funny how time works like that? That sentence happened in the past, so we don't have to worry about it anymore. Cool, huh?

Yeah that's it for the day.