Ten Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me When My Horse Died

Three years ago, when Dicey passed away, I was completely devastated. His death was tragic and unexpected, and since I wasn't really close to anyone at the barn at the time, I didn't really have anyone to go to afterwards for a while. I had just met Liz and Katherine, but at the time, I felt like I wasn't really close enough to them to come to them for consoling. That being said, there's a lot of things nobody told me about losing a horse. In the light of recent events, I'm sharing a few things I learned that I wish I had known sooner.

1. You're going to be really sad for a really long time.
Maybe you'll be sad forever. Everyone is different and everyone grieves differently. The point is, you're going to be sad.

2. You're going to be angry at really weird things.
Your dead horse included. Yes, a little part of you will be mad. It's weird.

3. Don't blame yourself.
Unless you like, intentionally shot or stabbed or poisoned or basically just intentionally harmed your horse, it isn't your fault. It's nobodies fault. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

4. Don't let anyone tell you "I know how you feel"
They may have lost their horse, but they didn't lose YOUR horse. Take their comment as a condolence, thank them for their consideration, but remember that this is your individual, unfortunate experience. No one will ever truly know how you feel.

5. There will be other horses.
It may not seem like it right now, but there is another horse out there for you. Getting another horse doesn't mean you no longer love the horse who passed away.

6. It's okay to cry. 
Actually, cry as much as you can. Get it out. Lol jk you will probably cry about it for the rest of your life. But go ahead and cry now because it's going to make you feel better.

7. Life has to go on.
Just because their life is over, doesn't mean yours is. Pick yourself up, dust the dirt and horse poop off, shine your boots and keep walking. There's still so much potential left in your life, too much to spend grieving over something that can't be reversed. It's a hard lesson, but you have to keep going.

8. You're going to have good days and bad days.
Sometimes, you're going to feel fine, others, full of grief and malice, and the rest, numb. There will rarely be days in between, but after awhile, the better days begin to outweigh the bad ones. It takes time.

9. Cling to what you have left.
Grab it and never let it go. Whether it be a halter, or saddle pad, or perhaps something less tangible, like your religion or an old memory, or maybe your horse's nickname or the scar they left somewhere on your body. It doesn't matter what it is. Grab it like it's going to run away from you, cherish it like it's a child of your own blood, embrace as if there's no tomorrow. No one is stopping you.

10. It never gets better.
People are going to tell you, constantly, "Don't worry, it gets better." It doesn't. It never gets any better, you simply learn how to cope with it. Once you've done that, only then you'll begin to build up new walls.

Good luck.
Cheers.