I can't tell you how many times I've tried to write this. I told you all that if anything exciting happened in my life, I'd make another entry.
Last time I wrote on this blog, I had started the process of early graduation.
I leave for college tomorrow.
Everything I've ever wanted in life is zooming towards me, at full force and ready to collide into the only life I've ever known.
I don't know what comes next. I've always loved reading the last sentence of a chapter before I finish, but I can't skip ahead on this one. The story is still being written.
Nevertheless, this last few weeks have been coming together like the final panels of a comic. It's reunions wrapped up in pretty bows and ribbons. It's gentle reminders of the people who helped create who I am.
I've lost bits and pieces of that person along the way. Nowadays, I'm held together with duct tape and super glue. I'm still missing pieces. Seeing all these people have given me new parts to take their place.
I'm not the same person I was a year ago, I've got new aspects and qualities I want to show the world now.
Maybe I'm better. I'm healthier and happier. I think it suits me.
I've taken this place for granted. I've taken these people for granted. I'd like to think I'm older and wiser, at least enough to realize these faults, and to not make the same mistakes that have tripped me up before.
It's been nice here. But I think I'm ready for something new. You cannot live an entire life in one little town. It'll start to burst at the seams and tear through the borders, flowing over the brims, flooding the worlds below. The toxicity of isolation is sickening.
I want to see what I can make of myself. What I can take from the world and what I can give back.
I'd stay if I could, but I really can't. It'd be a death sentence for me. To watch my deterioration isn't worth my staying here.
I've squeezed out all the life I could out of this town, this state, the entire south. There's grits and "please" and "thank you"s, and "bless your heart"s and cheek kisses. The tractors keeping me from getting to school on time and the street side cornfields. Hot, blueberry summer days and tomatoes fresh off the vine, skin and juice warmed by the sun. Slimy cow noses and chickens in people's front yards. It's things like this that have sculpted me into who I am, things I love with all my heart. Things I can't take with me.
My memories are wrapped up in a bow and tucked away in my suitcase, and I'm going to have to be content with that.
I'll miss a lot of the people here. And the dogs and the cats and the horses and the trees and the farms. More things I'm probably forgetting.
So thank you all. I hope I make you all proud. I'm sorry I have to leave.
I've got to see what that last chapter says. It's killing me.
