Effective Immediately.

I haven't posted in a while. I have reason, though.

But I guess I'll address this in my usual update form:

1. I am a ball of stress and I have things to do
2. When I'm not at school, I'm riding. When I'm not at school or riding, I'm doing homework. When I'm not at school or riding or doing homework, I'm sitting quietly being my bar table in front of the vent, watching Buzzfeed videos.
3. I'm kind of being thrown into life a lot faster and more violently than originally expected. Mister is having his hocks fused, I really need a job, oh, yeah, I'm graduating next year. I wasn't planning to, but the opportunity slapped me in the face and it would have been stupid of me not to take it. When life opens a door for you, by god, you march through that door and slam it shut behind you.
4. This being said, I have to take online classes through the end of the year and then two more in the summer, and then double up on classes next year.
5. My medication is actually working, and for the first time in ages, I feel alive.

I'm going to add onto the meds thing. It's amazing, in like a weird, frustrating sort of way. My depression built a big stone wall around me to close me off from the outside world. And for a while, I didn't think I want to experience that big, scary, outside world. When I started my meds, I expected them to give me a wrecking ball to tear down that wall. But it came to me as a shock when I realized that meds couldn't give me that. They couldn't even give me a hammer and chisel. I didn't need that wall torn down; I just needed the motivation to climb over.
And god, the outside world is beautiful.

Even with the insanity going on, if you really squint, you'll find the good stuff. The parts you tell stories about. The reasons you get off the couch every day. The desire to let a hug last for more than a few seconds. The motivation to do something with your life.
The great Robin Williams once said, "I believe in destiny. There must be a reason that I am as I am. There must be." I really believe in that. I don't know who the hell in their right mind decided to give me a body, but I'll be damned if I don't do something with it.

I'm applying to colleges this summer. I have my top picks. I know what I'm gonna major in. My grades and GPA have never been better. For the first time in forever, I feel invincible.

I have emotions. Sometimes, I'll start crying for no reason. I hate everything around me. But I also have new reason to love the people around me. Passionately, unconditionally, without rhyme or reason.

This all being said, I think I'm done with this blog. Maybe one day I'll start up a new one purely for comedic material.Maybe I'll even update AdoraBiteYourHeadOff every once in a while when something really good happens. But for now, this is where I leave you.

Thank you, to all of you. I love you.