Glutton Turkey Day

I super hate Thanksgiving. Actually, here in the Thompson household, we didn't even do Thanksgiving today. But you know what? I don't feel like talking about that right now.

My depression has been super bad the past few days. I mean, it's usually not too good, but it's been especially bad lately. I had a bunch of really bad dreams last night. I think they were supposed to be happy, but they just ended up being depressing. Really, really depressing. I think the dreams were supposed to give me some sort of closure, but they just made me wish the closure was real??? Dude I don't know but my subconscious has got to chill out.

Also, my banjo is giving me some gnarly calluses. Like, jesus they hurt. I really only know how to play Avett Brothers songs on it, but I'm chill with that. I mean, most of their songs has banjo in them, anyway. It's fun, though. I like banjo-ing. That's definitely a word now.

My life right now, besides having upsetting dreams and getting gross finger callouses from my banjo, I'm just sort of dragging through every day. The only thing I look forward to is SNL at the end of the week. It's my light at the end of the tunnel.

Also, my trainer's dog Sue had to be put down like, a week ago, and I meant to write about, but honestly I can't even convince myself to get out of bed in the morning. I'll get to it one day, Sue.

Boy am I bored of writing depressing entries. This is sort of my only outlet for how I'm feeling. My therapist says I need to keep a journal on how I'm feeling, and I think I already kind of do that with my blog???

I dunno though. I feel like I'm just sort of bottling up my feelings and I'm probably just gonna explode and cry and break down any minute. But probably not, because I don't want to make anyone put up with that.
So I'll just break down by myself and it'll be a good time.

Even then, I don't really have anyone to cry to, because no one really talks to me. I say this all the time, but I'm really, really lonely. And it kinda makes me wanna cry. But I'm not gonna, because I don't like crying-slash-actually displaying emotion. But like the bad dream I had last night ^, it made me realize that I seriously don't really have anyone right now.
Maybe that's okay. Maybe I wasn't ever meant to have any super-close friends. People have never really worked out for me. Maybe this is my punishment for ever getting close to someone. Nothing lasts forever. I especially should know that. Not even best friends. Especially best friends. I don't think best friends exist.

My therapist calls me a young Robin Williams, and I don't know if I should be flattered or concerned. Flattered because he one of my heroes, concerned that she's comparing me to a man who was addicted to heroin and cocaine and suffered from severe depression that ultimately killed him. So yeah, thank you, therapist lady.

I guess that's my life right now. It's all super depressing when I read it back over. But who cares? Depressing entries are depressing. I swear I'll post something fun one day. Maybe.